| Date | Source | Summary (click to expand) | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 200001aa | "My father (this is the ideal one) would take me out--just
the two of us--to go explore the world... my mother (again, the
ideal one) would spend some time with me teaching me how to
deal with evil in the world... I wouldn't be afraid (for a
first) while they were around." |
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| 200001bb | "My family and I picked up the bags and moved eighteen different times throughout my nearly nineteen years of life on this planet." |
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| 20000701 | IM | [about the prospect of seeing his brother after a year away at college] "Nervous. Not really happy. I haven't seen him in a while and I don't know what to expect... We're so different but so alike. He tells me about his dead end jobs but also mentions his parties and friends. I envy him the exciting lifestyle." |
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| 20000713 | IM | "My brother and I had a fight and I had to go run after him and try to calm him down. I've never felt more real in my entire life and I hated every moment of it. [Why did you fight?] too much in common and too many differences... my brother and I diverge. no...I keep walking away...but I like it that way" |
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| 200104aa | Journal (J) | J: "[Your stepfather] went skiing down and had to call someone with a snowmobile to bring you down as well. He called you a coward." |
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| 20010902 | "I want a home and a family and something that can make me
feel as if I don´t have to worry about being loved." |
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| 20011217 | "I never had a problem with feeling like I didn´t have friends, really. I don´t know why that is but my mother shares the same mind on this one. She didn´t have friends as a child or youth (at least, she claims) nor did she really want to... So I think I´m like her in that, while I feel friends can be important, they were never a part of the equation. The equation was a family (in my case, a husband and kids)." |
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| 20020403 | "My brother is writing me and... you have no idea what torture my family can put me through. He wants to visit me in Russia. And besides that I think he wants me to be a brotherly shoulder to cry on... I think I won't reply to him for a month or two until he gets the idea. He and my mom scare me more than hell." |
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| 20040101 | "I'm the oddity in my family." |
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| 20041031 | "[My mother has] been working 60 hour weeks. It just made me sad because I don't want her working that much and I can't reduce her burden... It's this feeling of helplessness and seeing my own mother having to get by alone. It's terrible." |
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| 20060820 | IM | "[do you feel alone?] Sometimes, but not heavily alone. I think my feelings are being touched by my family here, my aunts, uncles, and cousins, that is." |
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| 20060930 | IM | "I'm avoiding merging my friendships with my family." |
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| 20070330 | IM | "I will carve into my flesh a promise to you, and I know I am the worst person in the world, but I want to commit suicide and I can't because I don't want my parents to cry. What the hell is wrong with me? You may be the only...person. Will you help me?" |
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| 20070403 | IM | "I'm the biggest fan of Kyle XY. Why? Because that's the kind of family I want." |
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| 20070409 | IM | "I have thoughts of moving far away, but they're impractical. And selfish. I don't want to leave my parents... I want to eventually be financially secure enough to have a family of my own, to get paid to be a lawyer, to feel my family is always safe." |
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| 20080729 | IM | "I think I use my own style of scorn when I feel wronged. When my brother took something of mine against my will..., I took a stack of newspapers and rolled them up into dolls. I painted them red, hung some with string and tied them to his ceiling fan. I left the rest scattered around his room in random places. It looked like a massacre... I only did that for my brother. For others, I'm less obvious." |
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| 20130617 | Journal (J) | "I've dated some guys, slept with some guys... It's like an addiction. In the process, I've developed a thicker skin; I think I'm less sensitive... I think I know why I keep chasing guys, I have a hypothesis. When I was growing up, my father wasn't around... It's probably that I have had this hole in my life and I keep trying to fill it." |
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| 20130723 | "I'm really worried about my brother... I think [he] is becoming an alcoholic but I'm not sure. I still think he needs therapy, but I don't know how to motivate him to seek help. |
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| 20140215 | Journal (J) | "We talk about my sadness and my anger. I don't think I realized before how much that had to do with my brother [...] I never gave any outlet to that anger, and every time I got angry, not only then but since, I got this awful choking sensation. The therapist got me to imagine what I would do, how I would act out my anger, what I would do to my brother, he encouraged me to imagine even violent things. I had never done that before, let myself do that before. I got very emotional and I started to cry. I have been angry at my parents too... I have felt even hatred as a child." |